Gordon Lightfoot, Stone Cold Sober
I think queasiness is becoming my default state. Yee hah. Life goes on, though.
Jessica and Ian came by my room this morning right after I got dressed. They wanted to go downtown and putter about. So we took my car and scampered off. We looked at leather trenchcoats for Ian and then had lunch at a really good Chinese place that I've now forgotten the name of. Then we decided to go to Lloyd Center Mall to look at more trenchcoats. Didn't find any good ones though.
However, at Hot Topic I managed to find something else. A Last Unicorn T-shirt. Wow. That's been my favorite movie from about 8 onward. I would have appreciated it a lot more a year or so ago, but ti was still a really neat find. It has the unicorn, Schmendrick, Lir and the Red Bull on it. I wish it had Molly on it. She's cool. Anyway. I also got a Thundercats shirt and some Care Bears postacrds. And Ian got strange pants. Yee hah.
Then I drove him out to his mailbox and back to campus to get his luggage. Then to Trader Joe's, where I remembered to buy more tea but forgot to buy vitamins. I bought Orangina though. That's always a happiness.
Then I drove Ian and Jessica out to his parent's house and came back to campus. I drove home to show my mom my shirts and try to call Sean, but he wasn't home. I think he went to an SCA event tonight. Ah well. I just miss him, even though I know I don't really have a right to.
I care about him so much. I really wish that there was a way that things could work out for us. But it seems like everything just conspires against us. Yet, in spite of all of the reasons that things won't work, on some level we keep trying. I mean, if I didn't really care about him I'm sure I would have given up an all of this confusion by now. But as it is, I'm not even interested in dating anyone else. But I don't think he'd actually be at all happy with me. He needs someone who is older than I am, less childish. He needs someone less inhibited. And he deserves to have someone who can see him every day. I wish that we could at least try...but I know we can't. I know I should just move on, but I can't seem to. I care about him too much.
*sigh*.
All I want right now is to be beside him, to be able to lean on him and close my eyes, and just to be content, happy and with him. But I suppose I'll actually go work on homework.
*sigh*.
Captain Squanky signing off